EᑎᑎEᗩGᖇᗩᗰ ǪᑌEՏTIOᑎᑎᗩIᖇE

[PART 1 OF 3]

1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?

A lot of things. Mostly, I would say my contradictory and inconsistent nature, but also the lack of trust in my self perception. In other words just, being . . . a tad bit unhealthy.

2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?

I yearn for purpose mostly, to align with my destiny I guess. Other than that I’m really not sure. . . I really wanted to find a passion of some kind, or become successful in what I’ll do-- perfecting my own skills and such. I value a sense of direction in life, having a feeling of getting closer to my goals and of being on the right path. As for a desire to perfect my skills, I just really hope to be good at something one day or feel secure in my own abilities and competences.

3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt like I was “at my finest”, to be honest. I never get the sensation that I’m working at my full capacity-- Or being the best that I could be. Not to mention, feeling at my finest isn’t really. . . Objective or reliable? I felt at my ‘finest’ going into university (September of last year). I felt free and like so much was ahead of me, but looking back I realise that I was really acting out and behaving chaotically (i.e. causing chaos in my relationships and academic career).

4) What makes you feel inferior?

Feeling like I failed at XYZ; for example failing to do something myself, failing a ‘test’ (in the broadest sense of the term), not being able to do things as I had hoped/wished/expected . . . I also tend to feel inferior when I lack the knowledge or comprehension of a certain subject (to be useful). Lastly, having the sense that I’m being underestimated, undermined/belittled, made fun of . . . being robbed of a sense of accomplishment can also meddle with my self-assurance.

5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)

I suppose I mostly focus on what will benefit me in the long term. I take into account circumstance and try to decide based on what I consider to be the ideal or most sensical course of action to take is. I weigh pros and cons . . . My decisions concern mostly if not only me, therefore I usually don’t check in with others, unless the decision 'directly' impacts them, as well. As for, my feelings, I try to consider them as well; I wouldn’t decide on something that makes me feel bad, unless it’s necessary.

6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?

When I work on a project, I put the most emphasis on challenging myself a bit. On presentation, what I get out of it wether that be a skill I can profit off long term, or artistic satisfaction . . . I value having some kind of control on the outcome, but I prefer to be (pleasantly) surprised. Not to mention that in the end the outcome is mostly out of my reach. Wanting to control it too much would just tamper with my process--which isn’t unusual but I’m trying to let go of that.

7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?

Ooh. . . I don’t know. I guess I really enjoyed the summer of 2020 (yes, because I had the privilege to). The world just felt different somehow. It was an alien feeling, but I remember being very happy that summer.

8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc)

I usually start with the fun facts, or noteworthy things-- then, if I’m intrigued of interested enough I can do a deep dive, at which point I theorise and memorise. I usually prefer to have a deep understanding of subjects that interest me, but in the past I would find quantity more attractive than quality, if that makes sense.

9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?

I’m not a very organised person. I have my moments, in which I can be very meticulous and “straight”, but generally speaking, I don’t care much to be organised. I have a hard time upholding it past what is of basic necessity. I prefer winding roads over linear ones, if that makes sense.

10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?

First and foremost, I tend to notice new ideas with a lot of enthusiasm. Usually when I get a new idea, I try to think up all the reasons why it is true/possible, or why it has merit. Unless I have the intention to do something with that idea, I wouldn’t say I look for information that supports it per se. Sometimes I do, as means of confirmation or to figure out an answer I can’t seem to grasp personally. . . Other than that, I mostly check if it ‘makes sense’ primarily, if it doesn’t I’ll be more likely to look for supporting information.

11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?

The former.

12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?

It depends. Usually, I say what’s on my mind without thinking it through very much, unless I understand that the topic at hand is sensitive (to myself. . . or in general). I don’t think I have a particular preference . . .

I think group discussions are quite interesting; they require less active participation (i.e. more freedom), they generally are more expansive as they cover a broader set of (different) views. . . but they’re also somewhat chaotic and I’m less comfortable speaking in group settings.

One-to-one allows for deeper conversation but it bothers me for some reason, I’d worry of making the other uncomfortable, lol.

13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speaks more than words?

It depends. For very important matters, I like to know what I’m getting myself into or whether it’s ‘safe’, which means I’ll likely drag out taking action, until I have all the necessary information to proceed. The possible consequences of my actions tend to be involved in that will-I-or-will-I-not process. For more mundane things, I like a sense of spontaneity, trying things out and just ‘going with the flow’, which has caused one or two thoughtless actions, but still, actual impulsivity is somewhat of a rarity (in my case. . . or at least I think so, huh).

I’m not sure if actions speak louder than words per se? Words can sometimes convey things that are to frail to set into motion, but words can manipulate in a way that actions are more straight-forward. I guess the answer is undecided, highly dependant on context.

14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?

I’ll probably go with my friends. I could watch my favourite show any other time, hanging out with friends is something I do less commonly. Depending on context, I could still turn down coming along but I would be unlikely to admit it’s to watch my favourite show, lol. I could say I’m already in bed, or that I had something else in mind for the evening, or that I’m sick, or have to help out around the house/work, or that I have to wake up early the day after . . . or I don’t know, anything that’s generally considered ‘a good (enough) excuse’ and is resilient to pushback/insistence-- Ah, I know how that looks, but I’m usually too self-conscious or worried about the repercussions of just saying ‘no’, lol. Sometimes I also get hit out of the blue with a fear of missing out, but I’ve learned to trust I know what’s best for me.

15) How do you act when you're stressed out?

--Light stress

Under light stress, I can I just kind of switch off or turn it into assertiveness. I could be prone to worry or prickliness, but I can usually manage.

--Moderate stress

Under this kind of stress I would rather not be bothered by anyone, I’d focus on the stress factor, maybe hyper fixate on it, try to take it out as soon as I can.

--Heavy stress

I lose the ability to speak, I become very nit-picky. I might feel weaker than usual, like I could easily be squashed. I tend to make myself really, really small-- Avoid any kind of interaction. It’s hyperawareness, basically. I usually also go into isolation if it’s chronic kind of stress, or of prolonged duration. At which point I’m usually really emotionally/psychologically vulnerable, fretting internally while my body just. . . shuts down I guess. It’s just funny how I can become a stressed bunny sometimes . . .

Let’s break down possible causes:

Light stress: Speaking in front of a crowd, having to introduce myself to people, being caught in a lie, having to make a phone-call, feeling out of place . . .

Moderate stress: Not being able to follow through on something, not having logistical/practical things in order, falling behind on XYZ, having to do a big task/assignment, doing things that require a lot of organisation, ‘intense’ (physical) labour, bad surprises or non-anticipated problems . . .

Heavy stress: Feeling like I did something wrong, having a lot of people relying on me/having a lot of responsibility, (heavy) confrontation, being reproached/accused of something (innocent or not, I always feel guilty of something?), seeing the pillars of my dreams kind of crash and burn, being/feeling powerless or over-exposed, being faced with an ultimatum, getting the sense that I deeply upset/hurt someone. . .

16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?

What I tend to dislike in other people is any kind of superficiality; caring too deeply about things that seem trivial. I dislike people you can’t reason with, people that are single minded. Other than that, I just plainly dislike arrogance, emotional intensity, perfomativeness. Usually, me disliking people doesn’t really change the way I treat them . . . I would minimise interactions with such people, but at the end of the day, I’m not going to start complaining about them or try to humble them, that’s equally cringey and unlikeable in my opinion. People have different personalities, that’s just the way it is. It’s out of your hands, not to mention that what you send out in the world just comes back to you, so--

17) Is there anything you really like talking about with other people?

There’s nothing in particular I like talking about with other people. Usually subjects I enjoy are too prone to people wanting to flex their intellectuality, “listening to respond” over “listening to understand”, or being scoffed at. But, I do like to talk about prospects, anything that gets you thinking or helps you sketch an image of your conversation partner(s), anything that is on the deeper end of conversation.

18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life?

Everything? I usually don’t do a lot of things in a very concentrated state (unless I’m very interested, borderline obsessed with something). Not many things in my life get consistent attention besides adapting/expanding my mindset, and my prospects for the future.

19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong about their perception? What would your friends never say about your personality?

I’ve heard a lot of different opinions. . . I don’t know if their perception is right/wrong, I just know that I don’t always resonate with what people describe me to be like. On the other hand, maybe they’re right and I’m wrong? At the same time, I don’t blame them, I usually feel pressured to present myself some kind of way-- be pleasant. "Don’t be too intimidating, don’t put yourself anywhere you’re not invited", "keep to yourself or be useful" . . .

I feel people omit that I can be very stern/critical and observant. I don’t mind it, usually I get upset when I’m called either of the two first ones, since I do work hard to seem agreeable, and it sucks that some people still find me to be rigid and of though character despite my efforts of suppressing that, if that makes sense. As for being observant, it’s usually because I keep my observations to myself, so I’m not too surprised it gets overlooked.

20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?

I would have it my way . . . my perfect day would be in a peaceful environment. Somewhere deep in nature, ideally somewhere I could swim or just have peace/quiet. I would enjoy doing anything that is of interest to me, I could be reading a book, play the piano (imagine playing the piano on a beach or a tropical forest, with your audience being sweet animals in their natural habitat), maybe doing research or catching up on classic literature? I enjoy doing a bunch of everything and nothing. I deeply enjoy going on long walks, browsing the internet, watch tons of movies (I have endless ‘to watch’ lists), reading, doing anything musical (dancing, singing, listening to music, playing an instrument) . . . Oh- writing! And doing questionnaires like this one (´∧ω∧｀✿) *